5 Steps That Help Deal With Disappointment

"Sometimes when you get disappointment, it makes you stronger."

While sharing this with my Chosen participants, an online class I am teaching, everyone empathized and shared their Corona disappointments. There were many. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm...maybe dealing with disappointment is a great topic for an email." 

When looking for quotes about disappointment, I stumbled on the above one by David Rudisha.  I got a little judgmental when I read it, because I'm not fond of hard circumstances that make me stronger. (Geesh, did I really admit that?) I thought that David was probably some motivational speaker with an eternal positive attitude, but no.  David is the world  record holder in the 800 meter dash and gold medal Olympian!  He hadn't competed for 18 months (and this was written about him in October 2019,) due to a misdiagnosed injury, a major car crash that could have killed him, and personal issues including his father's death and the breakdown of his marriage. 

His name means "to return" in Swahili and that is exactly what he planned to do; return in style and win a third Olympic gold medal at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. Now those have been cancelled.  David knows disappointment and his take away? "I know it's not easy, nothing is guaranteed, but I'm just doing my best and want to give my best."

How do we give our best during disappointment? 

1.  Accept it. Disappointments happen to everyone. We need to realize that we are not alone. The disappointment is past, we can't change it or influence it. It's in the past. 

2. Don't run from the feeling. Go ahead, wallow for a bit. Identify the emotion surrounding the disappointment and feel it.  John Maxwell gives himself 24 hours to feel the pain of failure. After that, he picks himself up and dusts himself off and moves forward. 

3.  Look for the good in it.  One of my mentors says, "The curriculum for our growth is always right in front of us."  What can we learn? How can we grow?  Einstein tells us that in the midst of crisis, there lies opportunity.

4.  Watch our self-talk.  Instead of talking to yourself like you are the disappointment, realize that disappointment is an event that happened to you. You are not the disappointment.  You can handle it! You can solve the challenge! You are fully resourced from within.

5. Hike. I found that I can't do a beast of a hike and cry at the same time. Crying blurs the safe places on which to put my feet. AND the hard hike gave me time to feel the pain, process the feelings and decide to be okay with the disappointment. The world wasn't going to end because I couldn't go after all. The endorphins (brain peptides that make us feel good) created  during the exercise helped, too. 

"Mom, I'm bummed, too. Fourth of July is my favorite holiday,"  my son was disappointed, too. "Maybe we could plan to drive and meet each other halfway. Yes, let me get to work on that."  Yes, Let's do that.  I feel better already. 

We're human and are going to be faced with people and events that let us down. It's how we respond to these disappointments that determine their impact on us, our success in life and those around us.  I hope these steps help you. If you have found other ways to  give your best and be strengthened in disappointing times, let me know so I can share with others. 

Getting stronger, 

Jan

Jan McDonald 
The John Maxwell Team

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