Meet Your Thief.
Dec 07, 2021
“Comparison is the thief of joy."
― Theodore Roosevelt
The holiday season can be brutal when it comes to comparing ourselves with others. All those gatherings with family can bring up past issues. Even the parties with friends can invoke comparison. Especially those Christmas letters laden with fabulous achievements shared by the writer can cause me to wish I had more, was more or earned more. Not only is comparison a thief of joy, but it steals our peace, as well.
Many times, in my own personal life, comparison has stolen my peace and made me grumpy. I gave two of the very same presentations to different groups of people. One group had a great time and was very interactive and the other sat there like stones. Did I say something that didn’t make them want to talk? Why wasn’t the interaction as good as last time? Was I not good enough as another speaker might have been? Oh…shut…up, Norma.
Norma is the default voice inside my head that seeks to keep me average. She wants me to remain "normal", whatever the heck that means. I'm never enough for her. She always likes to keep me in my comfort zone and she’s quite vocal when I attempt new things. That totally rocks her boat. Norma always chatters big time after I speak somewhere. She can be vicious and loves to compare me with others. Most of the time, she is my own worst enemy.
I asked a pastor friend to weigh in on this topic of comparison. These were some of his words, “Comparison leads down two darker paths; pride and covetousness. If we compare and think ourselves better, we become proud and haughty. Not good. If we see that we fall short and covet to have what others have, we may resort to illegitimate means to obtain what they have, or just become depressed, feeling that it is outside of our reach. It’s a dangerous game to play, unless you have a serious heart check about why you’re doing it.” Great wisdom.
On the other hand, comparison can be good if we are doing it to learn from others. As leaders, if we compare ourselves to those who are farther along the path than we are, we can become better leaders. If we view others as better with the humility to learn, comparison can be beneficial.
How can we make comparison advantageous to us?
First, remember our uniqueness. Our DNA is a 5-million-character code that paints a picture of each one of us. That same code has never existed and never will again. Each person has their own unique set of fingerprints. There has never been another created like each one of us and never will be. We are one of a kind. Special.
Second, since I am a Christian, Ephesians 1:4 tells me that Christ chose me before the foundation of the universe (Me? He chose me?) I didn't have to clean up, get good enough or become someone other than me to be loved by Him. I am made in His image, He knows my short-comings and accepts me as I am. Hallelujah! He also gave me my strengths, assets and talents...and there are many of them. Ephesians 3:10 tells me that I am His Masterpiece! Leonardo diVinci painted only one Mona Lisa. God made only one me. And only one you.
Thirdly, ask yourself if your best friends would say what you were negatively thinking or saying about you. Would they call you that? Would they say that about you? I don't think so. Stop punishing yourself for not being somebody else.
Lastly, appreciate who you are and what you have. Write a list of all the good things about you and read that list daily. When your Norma gets out of control, read her that list. Norma usually doesn't argue with the truth.
You may have more ways to crush comparison of yourself with others. I would love to hear how you deal with your Norma. I don't believe we can have too many tools in our arsenal to build ourselves up to become all that we can be.
I will end on this note--comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. Purpose to not let Norma steal your joy this season by remembering your own uniqueness.
Believing in you,
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
Many times, in my own personal life, comparison has stolen my peace and made me grumpy. I gave two of the very same presentations to different groups of people. One group had a great time and was very interactive and the other sat there like stones. Did I say something that didn’t make them want to talk? Why wasn’t the interaction as good as last time? Was I not good enough as another speaker might have been? Oh…shut…up, Norma.
Norma is the default voice inside my head that seeks to keep me average. She wants me to remain "normal", whatever the heck that means. I'm never enough for her. She always likes to keep me in my comfort zone and she’s quite vocal when I attempt new things. That totally rocks her boat. Norma always chatters big time after I speak somewhere. She can be vicious and loves to compare me with others. Most of the time, she is my own worst enemy.
I asked a pastor friend to weigh in on this topic of comparison. These were some of his words, “Comparison leads down two darker paths; pride and covetousness. If we compare and think ourselves better, we become proud and haughty. Not good. If we see that we fall short and covet to have what others have, we may resort to illegitimate means to obtain what they have, or just become depressed, feeling that it is outside of our reach. It’s a dangerous game to play, unless you have a serious heart check about why you’re doing it.” Great wisdom.
On the other hand, comparison can be good if we are doing it to learn from others. As leaders, if we compare ourselves to those who are farther along the path than we are, we can become better leaders. If we view others as better with the humility to learn, comparison can be beneficial.
How can we make comparison advantageous to us?
First, remember our uniqueness. Our DNA is a 5-million-character code that paints a picture of each one of us. That same code has never existed and never will again. Each person has their own unique set of fingerprints. There has never been another created like each one of us and never will be. We are one of a kind. Special.
Second, since I am a Christian, Ephesians 1:4 tells me that Christ chose me before the foundation of the universe (Me? He chose me?) I didn't have to clean up, get good enough or become someone other than me to be loved by Him. I am made in His image, He knows my short-comings and accepts me as I am. Hallelujah! He also gave me my strengths, assets and talents...and there are many of them. Ephesians 3:10 tells me that I am His Masterpiece! Leonardo diVinci painted only one Mona Lisa. God made only one me. And only one you.
Thirdly, ask yourself if your best friends would say what you were negatively thinking or saying about you. Would they call you that? Would they say that about you? I don't think so. Stop punishing yourself for not being somebody else.
Lastly, appreciate who you are and what you have. Write a list of all the good things about you and read that list daily. When your Norma gets out of control, read her that list. Norma usually doesn't argue with the truth.
You may have more ways to crush comparison of yourself with others. I would love to hear how you deal with your Norma. I don't believe we can have too many tools in our arsenal to build ourselves up to become all that we can be.
I will end on this note--comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. Purpose to not let Norma steal your joy this season by remembering your own uniqueness.
Believing in you,
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
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