Anxiety Whispering

"Calmness is power. Say to your heart, "Peace be still."

--James Allen

What I'm going to share with you made no sense to me when I first heard it. When I used it in the height of rush hour traffic when I wasn't sure of my destination--it worked! I was so amazed.

So I taught it in my workshop, "Building Inner Strength for Resilient Advocates." It was one of their favorite tools to combat anxiety.

I don't know about you, but when I get anxious, I fight it. I want it to go away at that moment! My hubby, Dennis, has been reading a book called "Beyond Anxiety," by Martha Beck, because he has been diagnosed with anxiety.  (I have his approval to tell you this.) Martha says that rather than fight the uncomfortable anxious feelings, we embrace them. We embrace them like we would hug a scared puppy.  How would we calm a scared puppy? 

We would hold them close, but not too tightly, and we would pet them with loving strokes. "It's okay that you're scared. It's okay, you're safe here. There's no danger, " would be some of the things that we would say to them. 

We wouldn't tell them it's stupid to be afraid or to get over it, like I sometimes tell myself. That soothing puppy concept sounded so counterintuitive to me...until I tried it. And when the participants in my workshop tried it on something that was causing them anxiety, it worked. I could watch their shoulders drop and sense their calmness. At the end of the workshop, hands down, that was one of their big takeaways!

How does this work? When you are feeling anxious or fearful:

•    Acknowledge the fear. 
•    Ask yourself what is causing the fear; get curious. When we ask ourselves a question the logical side of the brain starts to work—that shuts down the emotional side. Yay! 
•    Sigh. Every time we breath out, the heartbeat slows a little and that is calming.
•    Shift your state to calm by speaking calming words (see below.)
•    Be gentle on yourself. Give yourself compassion like you would a scared kitty or puppy. 

Here are some calming statements: 
"Hello, anxiety. I see you.”
“You’re trying to keep me safe. Thank you.”
“But I’m not in danger right now.”
“I’m okay in this moment. I am safe.”
“I can handle this, one breath at a time.”

Yeah, I know, it sounds weird. Try it. Bring to mind a situation that causes you anxiety.  It could be something from work, a difficult conversation, driving in rush hour traffic, or even feeling overwhelmed. Breathe slowly, whisper quietly, and comfort yourself like you would a friend...or a scared puppy.  Let me know how it works for you.

Calmly typed, 

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

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