Hope Doesn't Disappoint

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

--Mahatma Gandhi

I'm not sure where I'm going with this email. I'm feeling kind of numb. I want everything to be back to normal so badly. I have two friends who have lost husbands during this difficult time and one friend, Susan (not her real name,) whose 8 year old was diagnosed with Leukemia. These things are tragic enough during normal times.  It's really hard not to wonder why such things happen to good people. 

I'm writing a workshop and one of the pieces is about having self-compassion. One of the tenants of self-compassion is that everyone suffers hardship during their lives. We fall into the trap that things are supposed to go well and that something has gone wrong when they don't. AND Western society would rather stuff pain than admit that we are experiencing it. (You know from previous blog posts that I was so guilty of that:) Self-compassion is allowing the pain, feeling it and treating myself like my best friend would treat me. Darcy wouldn't say, "Get over it." or "That's a stupid way to feel."  She would lovingly validate my feelings and sit with me in the midst of it. She wouldn't try and fix it--she would acknowledge that I was in a tough place. Dr. Caroline Leaf says that feeling is the beginning of healing.

I have learned a couple of  other ways to deal with suffering. I never ask the question "why?' anymore. I haven't ever gotten the answer I want--which is my way. I want things to turn out the way I expect and I expect life to be easy. The two questions that I have learned to ask are:

1. What does this mean?
2. And what do I do with it?

Do these questions offer the cure-all. Not really. Sometimes I don't like the answer to "what does this mean?"  Susan immediately packed up the whole family and moved to Seattle so the family could be together as her child undergoes treatment for the next six months. I'm crying as I write this because it just feels heart wrenching to me, as does the pain of my other friends.   

Question #2 is about my response to what I am facing. I can be anxious about my inability to control the uncertainty, which leads to fear, which clouds my thinking and possibly paralyzes me from taking necessary action. I can stuff it, which is no longer an option for me. 

I've been choosing to acknowledge my pain and if I don't have a skin and bones friend near, I have My Friend (God) comfort me in the midst. He knows exactly what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. This gives me hope. And this hope (the hope that God's glory and grace will show up in in the midst of the trial) does not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. (Romans 5:5)

Does this make everything better?  Hmmmm...sometimes. Hope allows me to look for opportunities that I wouldn't have seen before, because of question #2. Hope allows me to live in the expectation of a better future. Hope holds self-pity at bay and reminds me that I get to choose what thoughts I dwell on. My experience has been that even if the outside circumstances aren't changed, I am changed. My Friend helps with that. I am transformed from the inside out and the pain lessens. 

For my friends in the midst of their suffering, I can empathize with them. I certainly can't make it better, but I can pray to My Friend Who can. 

Thank you for listening,

Jan

Jan McDonald
Maxwell Team