How Well Do You Know Yourself?
Feb 03, 2022
You have to know yourself to grow yourself."
--John Maxwell
We have a hard time being successful with other people if we haven’t paid the price of success with ourselves. The Law of Awareness is kind of a catch 22. We have to know who we are to grow our potential, but we have to grow in order to know who we are.
We aren't going to live a different life or become a different person than we are now, without growing. I heard Darrin Hardy of Success magazine say on a CD some time ago, " If you want to get out of debt, you have to change the thinking that got you into debt."
It’s because of paradigms or the way we see things. Some of these paradigms we grew up with. For simplicity sake, let’s compare paradigms to maps. Suppose we want to go to a place in Chicago, but the map that we have was mistakenly labeled Detroit. Imagine our frustration of trying to get to our destination. We could change our behavior we could try harder or double our speed to get there, but our efforts would only succeed in getting us to the wrong place faster.
We could work on our attitude— we could think more positively. We wouldn’t get to the right place, but we’d be happy where ever we ended up. The point is, we’d still be lost. Our challenge has nothing to do with behavior or attitude. It has everything to do with having the wrong map or paradigm in our heads.
We have many maps in our heads, with which we see everything. We interpret everything through these mental maps and we seldom question their accuracy. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they are or the way they should be. Our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions.
To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little until we examine the basic paradigms or maps from which these behaviors flow.
We aren't going to live a different life or become a different person than we are now, without growing. I heard Darrin Hardy of Success magazine say on a CD some time ago, " If you want to get out of debt, you have to change the thinking that got you into debt."
It’s because of paradigms or the way we see things. Some of these paradigms we grew up with. For simplicity sake, let’s compare paradigms to maps. Suppose we want to go to a place in Chicago, but the map that we have was mistakenly labeled Detroit. Imagine our frustration of trying to get to our destination. We could change our behavior we could try harder or double our speed to get there, but our efforts would only succeed in getting us to the wrong place faster.
We could work on our attitude— we could think more positively. We wouldn’t get to the right place, but we’d be happy where ever we ended up. The point is, we’d still be lost. Our challenge has nothing to do with behavior or attitude. It has everything to do with having the wrong map or paradigm in our heads.
We have many maps in our heads, with which we see everything. We interpret everything through these mental maps and we seldom question their accuracy. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they are or the way they should be. Our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions.
To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little until we examine the basic paradigms or maps from which these behaviors flow.
We see the world, not as it is,
but as we are, or as we are conditioned to see it.
but as we are, or as we are conditioned to see it.
If we don’t know ourselves and don’t have mastery over ourselves, it’s very hard to like ourselves. Self-respect comes from this dominion over self and awareness of our deepest wants, needs and desires.
The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or do, but what/who we are. The place to begin building any relationship is inside ourselves. Leading ourselves well opens up opportunities for building rich, enduring, highly productive relationships with others. Our tendency is to project out of our own paradigms what we think other people will want or need. What if those paradigms are a bit skewed, which is normal in most people’s lives?
It starts within. We have to know ourselves to grow ourselves. When we begin to lead ourselves well and become aware of where we lack awareness of limiting beliefs that can impact relationships, others respond in ways we never thought possible.
Keep on growing,
Jan
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
For more leadership tips, I'm on facebook @janmariemcdonald
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